emotion as an image

I stood at the edge of a diving board, but I could not see the water.  I was right above the water's surface but my eyes blurred when I look down.  I was not afraid.  I was not cold even though I had been standing there for a while.  No one was behind me pushing, so I took my time.  I know what I look like, but I do not see myself.  People who I know but could not named are swimming in the pool and they are not.  Both away and present.  I waited for the right moment.  I could not even say what that moment felt like or look like, but when it came I will knew that it was the moment to jump.  I fell and fell, down, down.  Then God will swam out to the middle with me and we played Marco Polo.  Everyone joined in and then God swam to the bottom of the pool and pulled the plug.  All the water started to rapidly swirl and pull, pull, pull.  God swept me up and out of the pool and onto the beach.  I buried myself there in the sand up to the neck and let the warmth come over all of me.  I closed my eyes and woke up on the diving board having forgotten all that just happened.  There I stood waiting, waiting, wiggle my toes at the boards edge.  The water looked cool and mysterious.  I was not afraid.