Roll Credits

I have had three one hour long segments in my day today that I could have used for better things than what they were used for.  But regret only makes me sadder.  So I will look back on those moments and throw them away purposefully.  I don't want them.  World, you may have them.  Life can get so heavy we just have to waste it sometimes.  The other night, I was lying in my bed and I felt as though a cinder-block was resting itself on my chest.  I am not going to say that I lifted that cinder-block off my chest, because I am still holding him.  Life cannot be changed in one day and I have learned this too many times.  There are those moments in movies when the last few words are being uttered by the narrator and you are sitting in the dark watching the last shot span out to panoramic and the music begins to pick up, then BOOM all goes black and roll credits.  With a brain that seems to function like a camera, I began looking for those moments in my own life.  In high school they were frequent. Every time I grew sad I found moments of motivation to never be sad again.  When I was hurting, I found things to heal me "forever."  But soon I found it hard to resolve then just roll credits because the screen never stayed black.  My life, as life will do, continued past the resolutions and nothing stayed permanent.  Then God finally whispered to me, "How can you have one last shot if life doesn't end, even when you are dead?"  So I stopped looking for my climaxes and began to live in reality.  It doesn't mean that life doesn't hurt sometimes.  Nor does it mean that life doesn't feel great either.  Instead, it means that life has no metaphor.  It's ever changing.  So today, I will let the cinder-block lie.  At least one of us is resting.